Archive for the Category »Faith «

Apr

I have come to know one thing for sure: My hope is in Jesus, my faith is solid and my hope is strong. I’m quite certain that this is what the Lord has been teaching me all these years through the struggles and the joyous time. Regardless of what is happening in my life, only Jesus is solid, only Jesus gives me what I need, only Jesus saves me now and only Jesus gives me peace that surpasses all understanding!

When I injured my back, my first question was why. I had just started leading a Bible study at church, I was involved in the prayer ministry, the jail ministry and was working in the church office one afternoon a week. I was starting to paint on canvas, a long held dream of mine. I was back with my painting group after taking a four year break because of my illnesses and my hubby’s illnesses. In other words, I was doing all kinds of wonderful things that I enjoyed and also that I felt the Lord calling me to do. Why in the world would He allow my world to just stop?! I wasn’t sure, but now I think I know.

During the last six months, I have been forced to be quiet. I have been forced to spend a lot of time with me. It hasn’t always been easy spending time with me, but I haven’t had much choice. I have been really looking at what I do, who I am and what the Lord wants me to do with my time and with my (for lack of a better word) talents. I’ve realized one thing. I have not been faithful to what the Lord has truly called me to do. I’ve known it, but I’ve ignored it, even though I know that the Lord wants me to do, and further more, told me to do. I believe now that the Lord stopped me in my tracks and forced me to take a look at what I was not doing for Him.

I will elaborate further on this next time… until then,

God bless you – Julie

Category: Daily Living, Faith, Illness One Comment

Mar

Random Thoughts

Julie

I’ve had a couple of tough days. The pain is back in full force and I sometimes wonder if I will ever know a day without it? I’m tired of fighting the pain, tired of having the pain dictate what I can and cannot do in my life. Mostly, I’m tired. Taking the pain pills makes me exhausted. Without them, though, I’m in so much pain, I can’t function. I know that, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” Ecclesiastes 3:1 and this is my season of pain. However, I also know that this season can be a season of Spiritual growth, of growing closer to God, of writing, of Bible study, and of just being in rest. I have to keep my eyes on the Lord or I will, quite literally, go crazy. How wonderful that “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.” Hebrews 13:8 and that I can depend on Him to see me through. I get sad sometimes because I can’t go to church or to my Bible study and it can feel very isolating, however, the truth is, Jesus is with me. I am not alone because whether I am sitting in a church building or sitting in my chair at home, Jesus is there. I can pursue Jesus here and be even more fulfilled because that really is what sustains me. Sometimes when I’m not going through battles, it’s easier to be lazy about my pursuit of Jesus but while in the battle, I want and I need the Lord of all to lead me and show me the way. There truly is a purpose to what I’m going through.

I have been working on my cross stitch again. I started a project last year called, “He is Not Here, He has Risen”. It’s a beautiful piece and I am hoping that I’ll have it done in time for Easter. It’s a beautiful reminder of the fact that our Lord lives! I stitch a bit and then rest. It makes me really tired sometimes and I think it’s the rhythm of the stitching and the pills (again, with the pills). Yesterday, I actually fell asleep, needle in hand, and woke up wondering what in the world was going on. LOL I lead such an exciting life!

It’s turned cold here again which makes me very sad because our fruit trees have buds on them. In all the years we’ve had these fruit trees, we have never had fruit. I’m hoping we don’t get a hard freeze tonight, but listening to the wind blow outside, I have a feeling we definitely will.

I didn’t cook today. I did put a turkey breast in the oven yesterday and then made stove-top stuffing and frozen green beans. It was a super easy meal and that’s about all I was able to do. Thank goodness, we had enough left overs that I didn’t feel guilty about not cooking today.

I hope you have a very blessed Monday!!

God bless you – Julie

Category: cross stitch, Daily Living, Faith, Weather 3 Comments

Feb

Steadfastness

Julie

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:1-5

When I had cancer, this was the Scripture that I clung to. I prayed that the Lord was going to use this horrible disease for good and that He would bring me through the other side, hopefully more pliable and usable to Him. He did. I can remember as I would go through every test, the surgery, the treatment, the radiation – I would cling to Him and this Scripture. How many times in my mind did I sing, “There’s Just Something about that Name” as I lay on a table for yet another test or treatment? I can’t even number it. Each praise to Him, though, did just what this Scripture promised…it brought me hope.

Now I struggle with something else. Pain. Pain that comes in red-hot flashes and searing whiteness at times. Pain that is dull and always a reminder that I live with it as my constant companion. This is a different kind of trial because I’m not as certain that I will come out the other side; I don’t know that I will ever be pain free. However, one thing has not changed. Hope. Praise. Joy. Not every day. I would be asking you to be a fool to believe that every day when I wake up, I’m joyful when I realize that it’s yet another day with my horrible companion. Joy is not a feeling (for me anyway) it’s an action. I have to find the joy – joy in the Lord! I don’t always succeed. Some days I just feel sorry for myself and I don’t even want to find the joy. That’s okay because I am, after all, flesh and I do hurt. What makes the difference is that I have many more days of joy because of my Lord Jesus and what I know He is doing in me during this time of pain.

Now not only do I have my Romans Scripture that I cling to, I have this new Scripture in James. Why? It’s one word – steadfastness. I’m realizing that I am going to have to be steadfast in my faith. Living with pain requires me to be steadfast in my love of God, my faith and hope in Him! If I rely on myself, or even my doctors, I’m sunk. I cling to this Scripture because I’m housebound right now. I haven’t been able to go to church for weeks and weeks and I’ve had to give up leading a Bible study and I can’t do any of the other things that I love to do at church or anywhere else for that matter! So, I cling to Him. He is forcing me to see that when all is said and done, I only have Him. I won’t find joy or faith anywhere else except through my faith in Jesus – in my clinging to Him!

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:2-12

My prayer is that my faith would grow – that in testing my faith, the Lord would find me steadfast and that He would make me perfect and complete to be used by Him. I also pray that I would be joyful in my knowledge that He is with me and that He is bringing me to a new level of faith in Him. Of course, I am also praying for healing because living with pain tests me beyond what I feel I can bear at times. In the final analysis, though, I look for one thing – the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him…and I DO love Him!

God bless you – Julie

Category: Faith, Health, Illness, Pain 2 Comments

Feb

Abiding

Julie

Did you wonder where I’ve been? No where…just haven’t felt much like blogging the last couple of weeks. I don’t have a lot of new things to share and I hate to keep sharing how much pain I’m in, so I decided to just take a break. I still don’t have a lot of news to share, but I wanted to at least check in.

I received a very nice package from my parents the other day for Valentines Day. It included a ceramic heart box that they filled with Sees Candy. Oh, my. I just love Sees Candy!! I haven’t had it for years since we don’t have a store here. My parents picked out the kind of candy that I like – nuts and caramels. They also sent four suckers – chocolate, butterscotch and vanilla. My favorite is the butterscotch, but the others were very good, too. Then there was a necklace and earring set that are so cute! Finally, there was a cute valentine pen that lights up when you write with it. It was a nice surprise and totally cheered me up.

I had a doctors appointment the other day and afterward decided to head to Hobby Lobby to pick up my Valentine cards for my hubby and sons. I wasn’t there long, but by the time I got home, I was just exhausted and in severe pain again; a reminder that this is going to take more time before I’m well enough to get back to life as I knew it.

My oldest son is sick again with the flu. This is the 3rd time he’s had it since before Christmas. He started with the sniffles and coughing on Thursday after coming home from class. Yesterday, he was really sick and my youngest son went and got medicine, Vitamin C, orange juice, and soup for him. My hubby couldn’t go because he as a touch of a stomach bug which he shared with me. I’m so thankful that my youngest son was able to go to the store! My oldest woke me up in the night and said he felt really bad and was feeling weird. Now, I knew that he must be really sick as he is 21 years old and doesn’t wake his mommy up in the night like he did when he was little. I told him it was probably the meds he was on and the fever. He felt assured and went back to bed. I’m hoping he’s better this morning. I imagine he will sleep late as he is on the “night stuff”. I think he’s been under a lot of stress with his classes and then the stress at home of me being hurt and, of course, his grandmother that lives here. I’m praying that this will be the last bout of sickness he gets!

I’ve crocheted a little in the past couple of weeks, but mainly, I’ve been reading or playing my online game. I suppose I’m a bit down as I’m tired of being so house-bound and unable to do the things I want to do. However, I know that I know, that God is in control of this situation and He will heal me in His timing. I am taking this time to get more into His Word and that’s always time well spent. The one thing I know – God is good and He is with me through all my troubles and is my comforter. I am abiding in Him and praying that I will be able to bear fruit that will be pleasing to Him. He is growing me the way He wants me to grow and I have to be patient during this growing process. Abiding to me means resting and living and breathing all that He is and absorbing Him into every part of my being. It takes patience to grow but I’m praying my fruit will be juicy and succulent for others to enjoy. What is better than sharing the fruits that the Lord is growing? I look to that day when I will be ripe enough for the Lord to use.

God bless you – Julie

Category: Daily Living, Faith, Health, Sons 6 Comments

Jan

Sunday Thoughts

Julie

It really is amazing how God works things out. Just when I think that things are going to be a total mess, God’s timing and hands come into play and all works out beautifully! Why am I always amazed by this when He has shown this to me time and time again?

After my prayer time this morning, it was abundantly clear to me that the Lord was telling me to step down from ministry for now. Not only did I feel that peaceful stirring in my heart, but I also had messages from friends and loved ones basically telling me the same thing! It just reconfirmed what the Lord had already told me. I can’t tell you what a blessed, peaceful feeling I have about this. I just know that it’s right.

I talked with my dear friend this afternoon that heads up all the ministries I’ve been involved in and told her of my decision. She was so supportive and it ended up working out so well! My Bible study group had dwindled to a group of 2-4 ladies and there is another group that has done the same, so my friend was going to combine the groups. This solved the situation so well! I can be a co-leader behind the scenes and help the leader of the combined groups without having the pressure of having to be at the study physically, which is what was worrying me.

I also stepped down from my volunteer position in the office on Friday afternoons. Again, it was amazing because the church had sent around a form with different positions that people could check off if they had an interest in serving. They had 27 people check the “volunteer in office” box! They will be able to find someone to fill my position permanently and it will not put any pressure on the office staff to worry whether I will be there or not. A month ago, it would have been difficult finding someone to fill this position, but now there are over 20! Again, God’s perfect timing!

There is a part of me that is devastated about having to step down from these things, but there is a greater relief at having all these pressures off of me. I feel that I can now focus on getting myself well and healed. I also feel such a great peace at knowing that this is where the Lord wants me to be. Greater than that – there is a tremendous peace about submitting to God’s will in this! There truly is peace in submission!!

I won’t be totally out of things. I am working in behind-the-scenes ministry from home in my recliner with my lap-top. It’s a few hours of my time every month and it makes me feel so blessed to be able to help out my church and my friend by doing these things that she needs done. That’s the thing about my friend – she is so sensitive in knowing that I really wanted to serve – needed to serve – in some capacity and she made it happen. It is truly a blessing having friends that know you and love you and care. What sweet fellowship there is in the body of Christ!!

I didn’t do much today. I rested, spent time with the Lord, crocheted one project and that’s about it. I slept very poorly last night and just was really exhausted all day. I’m praying for sweet sleep tonight and that I’ll feel better tomorrow. I did watch “Downton Abbey” on PBS tonight and it was so good!! Did you watch it? I love all things British (as I’ve said on this blog many times before) and this was just a wonderful show! The characters were wonderful and you really cared what happened to them. It was also wonderful seeing Elizabeth McGovern after so many years. It was a wonderful show and I can’t wait to see the next episode! I’m hoping they will get it in at the library so I can watch it all over again.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow – getting into God’s Word and finding what He wants me to know about Him. What a blessed time to sit at the feet of Jesus and chose that good part that will not be taken from me. (Luke 10:42)

God bless you – Julie

Category: Faith, Sunday Thoughts 5 Comments

Jan

Sunday Thoughts

Julie

God bless you – Julie

Category: Faith, Sunday Thoughts Comments off

Jan

Submit

Julie

I wish I were this beautiful in my pain and grief, but alas, I am not. I will not show you a picture of what I look like – it would be too horrifying for words. I haven’t had a hair cut since August (my beautician will be shocked at how long my hair has gotten!) and I’m not wearing a beautiful flowing gown like this lady. I’m in my jammies – my green jammies with bugs and flowers all over. My jammies are comfortable, but nothing I would want to share a picture of, especially with me in them! I am just me.

I spent another day in pain (I know – big shock). It’s a different kind of pain and anything new is at least, well….different. My son (who also has a herniated disc) has told me after his shots that he feels like his back won’t support him. I didn’t understand, but I do now. The last two days have taught me exactly what he means. I am having to have heat on my back at all times, or I can’t stand the pain. It almost pushes the air out of me.

I wasn’t able to go to my leader’s retreat yesterday or today. I would have never made it – physically, emotionally, or mentally. I’m sad because I wanted to go – I needed to go – but evidently, the Lord does not agree. He has other plans for me – other things He’s wanting to teach me.

I did crochet today, which was a blessing. I am making things for my Etsy shop. It’s such a relief to be able to take my mind off my pain by crocheting. Every time I pick up my yarn and hook, I think of my precious Grandmother that sat me down at 4 years old and taught me to do something that would be a constant throughout my life. After 45 years of crocheting, I can honestly say it was truly one of the two greatest gifts my Grandmother gave me. The first gift was time spent in God’s Word and hiding it in my heart. She taught me the importance of Bible study and memorizing Scripture. God bless my dear Grandmother.

I’m praying for wisdom. I know that I need to get well. I know that I need to back off of most everything in my life that I’ve been doing. I must. I have been fighting this. I honestly thought that by now I would be completely well and over this pain. It was a devastating realization to me the other day that I’m better, but not at all well. It was grief all over again. However, today, during my prayer time and quiet time, I realized that this is more evidence of my not relinquishing control over to the Lord and letting it be HIS timing and not mine. I can’t worry about what others may think of me because I can’t do certain things – I can’t worry if my house is not spotless – I can’t worry if I’m not the “perfect person”. I just can’t. I must take this time to get completely over this.

One pattern I can see throughout my life is this: I have pushed through, worked like a man, put my own health and well-being in detriment, worried about what others thought and have basically been a martyr. I wouldn’t have admitted the martyr part before, but I will now, because I’m not a martyr any longer. However, having said that, I do still struggle with what I should be doing or what others might be thinking about me if I don’t live up to what they think I should be doing. I just can’t worry about that anymore. No one has to live with my pain but me. If I over-do because of expectations that others put on me, will they have to live with my body that is screaming out in agony? No, and because of that, I’m going to listen to God and to my body and allow myself to heal. It really is okay to take care of myself! If you’re struggling with pain or illness – please allow yourself to heal. It really is okay.

I love the Lord more than anything else. I just want to live for Him. If my going through all this is going to make me more usable to Him, then I submit. If at this time, I must be quiet and heal because it is part of His purpose, then so be it. I have to get out of the way and let the Lord do His mighty work in me for His purpose. I submit, Lord.

God bless you – Julie

Category: Crochet, Faith, Pain 6 Comments

Jan

A Princess

Julie

Have you ever been a Princess at your very own Pity Party?! I have! In fact, I have been at one of these parties for the past few days. Funny thing about these parties – you don’t really want to be there, but then there’s a small part of you that is just reveling in being there! It’s odd, really, how really horrible, yet comfortable a Pity Party is.

The party started when our water pump on our well broke, several pipes broke, and the pressure tank. We had temperatures we never see in this part of our state that were well below zero. At one point, we had a temperature of 8 below! We just aren’t prepared for the kind of weather here. Anyway, no water, big expenses, plus the inconvenience and general icky-ness of no showers just made for one cranky lady. Add in to this mix a woman who has just had a steroid shot in her back and is on pain pills and it’s just a pity party waiting to happen. The bad thing about being a Princess at a Pity Party is that not only does said Princess think about what’s happening to her right now, she dredges up the past, obsesses about the future and questions whether the relationships in her life are really what they seem. *sigh* The party just ends up being messy and no fun. By the time the party is in full swing, the Princess has dragged everyone to her party, whether they want to be there or not. It’s one, big, cranky affair!

The party is over for the most part. I’m feeling better today. Part of it was talking to my pain management doctor about the symptoms I’m having and she reminded me of all the side effects of the steroid shot. My hormones are also way off (we won’t go into details here, but suffice to say that something that was over 5 years ago, is back.) and I’m dealing with hot flashes, mood swings, headaches, and weight gain. Oh, yes. Isn’t that just lovely? I do not need to gain weight, but with steroid shots, it’s just a fact. I’m really working on what I’m eating and not eating to try and not gain anymore weight, but as my doctor reminded me, it’s just a fact. I’m fighting it all the way, let me tell you!! She told me that when she had her steroid shots, she gained 30 pounds! No way am I going there. I will starve myself first!! Here’s even more happy news – I have another shot next week.

It is happy news, though, because the shot really did help me. I’ve been having more pain again the past week and a half, so am more than ready for another shot. I’m praying that this shot will help relieve the pain even more than the last one. I’ll take the side effects if it helps with the pain.

It’s amazing how God works, though, because this morning I got my Bible study out again after not working on it for a few days, and it was like God was speaking to me directly! It was such a blessing! I needed to be reminded that the Lord loves me just the way I am and that the Holy Spirit will work in me more and more if I just stay open to the Vine, Jesus Christ. It’s such an amazing thing to me that the Lord can use this little fat girl that is in pain, has so many physical issues and also attends Pity Parties occasionally! How amazing is that?! What the world sees as imperfect, tubby, short and old, God sees as his special daughter whom He loves and works His glory through! I have tears in my eyes just thinking about this. I can be used for God’s glory and, hopefully, be a light that points to our Savior, Jesus Christ! Now mind you – I can’t do any of that on my own. After all, I am the girl who attends those Pity Parties, but through the blood of Jesus, I am made clean and am usable! My hearts cry is that the Lord would use me and that I would know that I know that I know that He is the same God in the valley that He is on the mountain. All I have to do is grasp His hand and let Him lead me through those valleys and hang on when we’re on the mountaintop and remember Who got me there. I want to be His Princess and not the Princess of the Pity Party. I’m hanging on to that Precious hand as tight as I can!

God bless you – Julie

Category: Bible Study, Faith, Health, Pain, Relationship 4 Comments

Dec

More Of Him

Julie

This sweet, little tree is on the mountain that sits to the east of my home. Every year since I’ve lived here, someone decorates this tree on the side of the road. I’ve lived here 17 years and every year when we drive up the mountain road, there is that tree, lovingly decorated for Christmas. I have no idea who does it, but we look forward to seeing it and we would be sorely disappointed if one year it was gone. I haven’t been up the mountain this year, but I’m sure it’s been decorated once again. There’s something very reassuring when things are always consistent, year after year.

This year has been a year of disruption and learning to deal with a new “normal”. In March, my mother-in-law came to live with us and our home has not been the same for one moment since. In early October, I fell and injured my back, herniated 2 of my discs, which gives me a grand total of 3 damaged discs. My youngest son is still dealing with his back issues, too. My husband has had one eye operation after another in the hopes of stopping the leakage behind his eyes due to his diabetes. I lost my sweet, precious poodle, Tammy Lou, in late October after having her for 12 years. Yes, it’s been a year of tremendous change!

Other changes that have definitely brightened my life are my role as a Bible study leader and working an afternoon in my church office. Seeing my sons working together in college and working toward their futures has been wonderful. Making so many wonderful, new friends and re-connecting with other friends has blessed me beyond measure. Having the Lord open so many doors for us to grow in character and walk closer with Him is definitely the greatest blessing. He uses the bad things to grow us in the good things – they really go hand in hand. It’s not always easy to remember that or be content in that, but it is still true.

I don’t want to make it sound like I wake up every morning and thank the Lord for my mother-in-law or my pain. I don’t. I have to talk with Him for awhile before I’m able to let it go and praise him for even those things. I also confess that I’m still working on it – day by day. I’m still having attitude issues regarding all these things but through Christ, who strengthens me, I will be able to lay it all down at the foot of his throne and THANK him for these things.

I’m praying for more of Him and less of me. . . daily!

God bless you – Julie

Category: Faith, Family, Hubby, Sons 3 Comments

Dec

Guarding our Heart & Mind

Julie

It takes effort to guard our heart and mind. Things that seem totally innocent can evolve into something else entirely. The Bible tells us, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” – Romans 2:12

Not being conformed to this world really requires us to think through each and everything we do and to evaluate each and every relationship we have or are thinking about having. There is so much to “do” in this world in the form of social networking, tv, movies, blogging and reading blogs, texting, and so on. We can get pulled into all these things so easily because they are fun. They will also eat up a lot of our time and we end up not doing the things that the Lord has called us to do. How many mornings have I said, “I’ll just check my email.” and then I end up going to Facebook, or reading my favorite blogs and I waste so much time, I’m rushed to do my quiet time with the Lord, or I don’t do it at all? Housework gets pushed behind and it all becomes a very bad thing.

I have to make a concerted effort to start my day with the Lord and not my computer. Instead of checking my emails first thing, I have to completely stay away from the computer until I’ve spent my time with the Lord and done the chores in my house that require my attention. I have to do what the Lord says and do what is good, acceptable and perfect. It’s not always easy but so worth it to be obedient to the Lord.

Relationships are the same way. Before we enter into a relationship, it’s really important to have discernment about it. As a Christian woman, I don’t want to have a friendship with someone that doesn’t have the same values as I do. Yes, I can be friendly with all people, but to enter into a friendship with someone that doesn’t love the Lord and her actions and lifestyle reflect that, is not going to be good for me. I’m going to be influenced by that friend and possibly get drawn into things that are unacceptable to the Lord. Yes, we should share the gospel of Jesus Christ with everyone, we should be nice, kind, and friendly, but I’m talking about relationships here. My Christian doctor once said to me that “we are always going to be drawn to the lowest form of behavior so it’s important to have the right kind of people around us.” I think Colossians 3:1 says it best – “If then you have been raised by Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.”

It’s also important to remember this for our children, too. What kind of friends do your children have? Are you teaching them discernment when it comes to choosing friends? Are you reminding your older children that this is important in their choice of not only friends, but their choice of who they wish to court?

The Lord tells us not to be unequally yoked. As Christians we are not to be married to a non-believer. The Lord knows that being in a relationship with a non-believer is going to make it all the harder for us to walk with him. It’s that “lowest form of behavior” thing again. If a person doesn’t court (date) a non-believer, then there won’t be the chance of marriage – it’s that simple. Why open that door a crack? Guard your heart!

It’s not always easy to make these kind of decisions. I have had to make changes in my relationships with people because of what was happening to me and how it was affecting my walk with the Lord. I’ve never regretted those decisions because I could see what was happening to me. I would much rather walk alone with the Lord than walk without Him in a group of people. He is my everything and I don’t want to do anything that will affect my relationship with Him. My relationship with Jesus is the most important relationship of all!

God bless you – Julie

Category: Children, Faith, Jesus, Relationship 2 Comments

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